I'll be honest with y'all, this part of the book is really, really, really boring. If I'd been Beck's Ghost Writer's Editor, most of this would have been cut.
Chapter 20
You'll remember when we last left Noah and Molly, they'd just found out about the Big Conspiracy to Take Over America By...Somebody I Guess It Was Noah's Daddy? I Don't Know.
Why would a PR firm want to take over the country? Surely there's more money in letting -- say -- Donald Trump take over the country, and then snookering him into looting the place for you.
Whatever. Molly takes Noah to see "how the other half lives," except that's more like 90% these days, but okay, and also, that's not where she actually takes him. Instead they go through a Sekrit Doorway into a Sekrit Hiding Place, one of the Freedom Fighter's hideouts. It has all these elaborate rooms, all built "with love and ingenuity."
How can Noah tell that? Well, he just can.
There are bookshelves. These contain all sorts of books, including the worst of Orson Scott Card, a John Birch society handbook, and a pile of
Hollis in one of them loading his own ammo, because it is tastier that way (I'm not kidding, that's the explanation we get, just like homemade cookies are tastier than storebought, ammo you load yoursef is better because...homemade, I guess?)
Also there a boardroom sort of place where some of the Freedom Fighters are cosplaying Founding Fathers. It turns out, just like in Fahrenheit 451, each Freedom Fighter memorizes some text written by the Founding Fathers, so that it will Not Be Lost From History.
Why don't they just buy some copies of the books? Yeah, I don't know either.
Molly recites the most common bit from Thomas Paine, the part about the summer soldier. Noah has never heard this before. Because he didn't grow up in the USA and wasn't educated in an American school.
That's the thing about Noah. Sometimes -- as in the opening chapters -- he's an utter dope, both stupid and ignorant. And sometimes, as when he gave that little speech in the bar, he's super competent, highly educated, and brilliant.
And then back to being an dumber than a box of hammers. "Thomas Paine? Who's he?"
Also, he's read Dale Carneige. I mean, oh, my God.
Molly fetches Noah some sweet tea. There's some chat about it being sweet tea. Because she's from the South. In case you forgot.
Then they argue about the 2nd Amendment, basically so Beck's Ghost Writer can make all the bone-headed points every gun nut makes.
Then -- plot twist! -- Noah passes out. THE TEA WAS ROOFIED.
Oh, Molly. Weren't you just trying to bone this guy last night? You heartless slut.
Chapter 22
Back to Kearns and Danny. Apparently Danny's going to do some undercover mission with a fake nuclear bomb. Kearns back there in Chapter 16-17 seemed to be working for the FBI. In fact, as I recall, he had a government jet at his command.
But now he claims to be working all on his own. He's been "out in the cold" so long, only one guy still knows he works for the government.
It must be the guy who has the keys to the jet.
Also they eat breakfast in a farmhouse. Why? I don't know. I'm not even sure why this chapter is in the book. Maybe so Glenn Beck's ghostwriter can say "out in the cold," thus demonstrating to you that he knows all about Real Spy Stuff.
Chapter 23
Kearns and Danny make a phone call to set up the meet. The guys they're going to sell the fake nuclear weapon fanboy all over Danny. Because he's a big YouTube star and terrorists planning to blow up things with nuclear weapons love YouTube stars.
(Is Danny supposed to be Rush Limbaugh? Or Louder with Crowder? Or Alex Jones? IDK, and this is so stupid I don't care.)
Chapter 24
Kearns and Danny drive to the meet. On the way, Kearns stops the car so Danny can see what stars look like outside a city. Apparently Danny, though he is a famous YouTube Star and Freedom Fighter, has never left the city, or at least never looked up when he was outside a city.
Kearns says it's important to know the stars are there. Because stars = heaven.
Okay.
They get to the meet, which is being held in someone's garage, apparently, and uh-oh, trouble: only four of the five guys they're supposed to meet are there.
I think this is another plot twist?
Chapter 25
But apparently not, because they all sit down to talk. Missing Fifth Guy is away on a business trip. (Didn't they just set up the meet like 90 minutes ago?)
There is some chat about Zionist bankers.
(Side note: This is one problem with this book. Danny starts out being cast as a bad guy. Now, apparently, he's a good guy, sort of? But a dupe of Kearns, who is a good guy, maybe? And they're setting up these guys, who are buying nuclear weapons, so...bad guys? But no one's character is consistent, and every now and then someone who is supposed to be one of the heroes will say something about Zionist bankers or global conspiracy or some other coded (barely coded) speech for Them Evil Jews. It's hard to know how Beck's Ghost Writer means us to read all this. Or if he or Beck even understands what they're saying.)
After the anti-Semitic bonding is done with, Kearns shows them the bomb.
Why did he need Danny here again? You got me.
And then -- plot twist! -- we find out who the terrorists are going to blow up, with a fucking nuclear weapon: the Senate Majority Leader.
Why would you need a nuclear weapon to do this? How would you get a nuclear weapon into the office of such a person?
Who knows, who cares. I'm guessing Beck is planning to use this as his Reichstag Fire, to kick off Martial Law and Concentration Camps and the Death of America, but we're 60% through the book. I mean, come on.
Frankly, it should have started with the nuclear weapon. If we're going to actually explode this weapon, I mean.
Chapter 26
Kearns and Danny drive away, not having sold the nuclear weapon to the terrorist fanboys. Kearns thinks the fanboys are up to no good -- maybe the missing one ISN'T away on business, but is planning to ambush them.
Or something.
Apparently there's going to be another meet tomorrow, to actually sell them the weapon (why? Why not sell it to them tonight? What idiot wrote this book), but first we have to hear Kearns' life story.
Danny literally asks for it. "We've got a long drive," he says.
The next chapter seems to be Kearns's life story. What the actual F.
More in a few days, if I can stand it.
2 comments:
"If I'd been Beck's Ghost Writer's Editor, most of this would have been cut."
The Ghost Writer's reply:
"The putative author is an uneducated potato - it's not supposed to be any good. Apparently Beck's book is a rip-off of Circumference of Darkness, where the right-wingers are the bad guys.
"But no one's character is consistent, and every now and then someone who is supposed to be one of the heroes will say something about Zionist bankers or global conspiracy or some other coded (barely coded) speech for Them Evil Jews. It's hard to know how Beck's Ghost Writer means us to read all this. Or if he or Beck even understands what they're saying."
Glenn Beck has been pushing anti-Semitic conspiracy theories for a long time, and has recommended books by (relatively) famous anti-Semites like Elizabeth Dilling. A simple web search will reveal a lot.
"Apparently Beck's book is a rip-off of Circumference of Darkness, where the right-wingers are the bad guys."
So..Beck is making his right-wingers follow a stupid script, and yet be the good guys?
Hmm. It *does* seem like a book written by Conspiracy-Theory fanatic. All these wheels within wheels, and the Powerful (Jewish) Cabals controlling everything, like the fat Elite Spiders they are.
Also the extreme inability to stick to any clear point, or keep his plot/characters consistent: that's been my experience dealing with Conspiracy-Theorists also.
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