Saturday, February 23, 2019

Trigger Warning: Ch32 to End

Why does everyone hate Jake?

This is a question Jake asks himself after one of the terrorists, a back guy, speaks harshly to him.

“Don’t give me any trouble,” the gunman said as his lips drew back from his teeth in a grimace. “I’d just as soon shoot you, you son of a bitch.”  
That sounded personal, Jake thought. He wondered if the guy had a real reason to hate him, or if his skin color and political views were enough to justify that hatred.

Black people are the real bigots!

Also, the more I think about the big plot twist of Burke being part of the Bad Guys, the less it makes sense.

Did Matthias recruit her / get her hired at this university just in case he had some trouble-making guy he wanted her to woo? Or was that improvised, once they realized Jake, the Good Man with a Gun, was on campus?

If it's the latter, then why did he recruit Burke? Worse, why did she join his bizarre crime team? She doesn't seem to care about politics, and I refuse to believe anyone who is on the tenure track of an excellent university is silly enough to think his crime scheme had even the tiniest chance of success. Why blow up her life for something stupid like this?

I mean, obviously one point J.A. keeps harping on is that progressives, especially those who go to college, are stupid. And I know that's what lots of conservatives believe -- that we're just too stupid to understand Jesus, or what a gun does.

But Burke isn't written like she's stupid.

Also, if her job was to neutralize Jake, because Jake is such a threat to the Plan, then why doesn't she neutralize Jake?

She's been dating him for several days. She's been alone with him any number of times. He trusts her, apparently. I can think off the top of my head of six or seven things she could have done -- planted drugs on him, for instance, and called the police. Or planted child porn on him. Or not planted child on him and called the police to say he had child porn anyway -- that would have been enough to get him off campus, which is all they really need. Or told the campus police he has guns in his room. That would have gotten him expelled, which is -- again -- all they need.

Also! On the day of the big job, she literally invites him to the library. She makes sure he's in the library, where Matthias will be, when the Big Job kicks off. Why would she do that? Take him away for the weekend instead. Invite him away for a hot weekend in El Paso. I'm sure he would have gone.

This plot literally makes no sense.

Okay, let's wrap this up. We've got about 30% of the book left, but having skimmed through it, I have to warn you it gets really tedious.

Jake "McClane's" his way around the library, shooting people. Dr. Mtumbo joins forces with him, as does Pierce (or, as Jake calls them, 'a black Progressive and a Snowflake Professor.' I mean, good thing Jake doesn't filter everything through an ideological lens.) Neither has ever fired a gun before today, which amazes Jake. What world do these people come from, he wonders.

Um, the normal world?

Burke repents and tries to find Jake so she can apologize for being such a bad girl. She gets shot, but don't worry, she doesn't die.

But let's back up. About 75% of the way through the book, this new guy shows up. He's lean and tanned (Did I mention all the Good Guys with Guns in this book have deep tans? They do. Because cowboys, I guess.) though he's probably about 70, he moves "like a 22 year old athlete."

No fewer than three people comments on how Dog -- that's his code name -- moves like a 22 year old athlete. "He looks about 70," they will all say, "but he moves like a 22 year old athlete!"

'Dog' -- and he is constantly telling everyone to "Just call [him] Dog" -- moves through campus, shooting terrorists with preternatural skill. (One terrorist holds a woman in front of him, like a human shield, and Dog shoots him anyway, right through the mouth.)

How does he know who is a terrorist and who is not?

Because he's a Good Guy with a Gun, that's how.

Oh, and also the President has sent him here. That Trump. What a guy!

Also -- and this is the big surprise -- he's actually Jake's Uncle! (Plot twist!)

No wonder Jake is such a hero. He's genetically related to Dog.

Yes, Dog actually says this. Good genes create Good Guys with a Gun apparently.

This is also something I've noticed Conservatives believe -- that Certain People are Superior because they have Superior Genes. This is part of their White Nationalist bent, obviously. It's not their fault white people are the superior race -- it's just their genes. I mean, it's just science.

God, isn't this book over yet?

I'm leaving a lot out, such as for instance the redemption of that whiny Campus Cop who was evil because he was a progressive. He mans up and along with Jake shoots a bunch of people. Together, they free several hostages from the snack room in the library.

But of course the hostages are liberal snowflakes, and thus aren't grateful for being released.

“But . . . but is it safe?” asked a male undergrad with multiple piercings on ears, nose, and lips.  
A girl with pink hair said, “We should stay where we are until someone from the government tells us to leave.”

“The administration needs to issue a statement and address this,” added a middle-aged man who Jake pegged as a professor. “This campus is supposed to be a safe space and a gun-free zone.” He looked pointedly at the pistols Jake and Granderson held. “Neither of you should have those. You should turn them in!”

As a matter of fact, in our Mass Shooter training, the police told us very firmly that if we were holding a gun when they arrived, we would be shot. This is because, contrary to what this book claims, you can't actually tell a Good Guy with a Gun from a Bad Guy with a Gun.

Image result for Good Guy with a Gun cartoon

And that's something this book ignores -- how Dog knows the Bad Guys from the hostages; how Jake manages to shoot down any number of people without accidentally shooting a hostage; how, if Matthias had several people undercover in the library, as we're told he did, one of those 'hostages' Jake saved didn't turn out to be one of them, so that Jake got shot in the back.

How in real life shoot-outs don't work even remotely the way they do in this book.

In the final chapters, for instance, Jake and Matthias shoot each other. Matthias dies. Jake, who had taken three slugs to the chest, spends a few weeks in the hospital and then is just fine.

Yeah, no. That's not what happens when you get shot multiple times in the chest.

Okay, I'm leaving a lot out -- for instance, the FBI show up about 70% of the way through the book, but they don't do anything except get in the way of Dog and the Chief of Campus police. Because the government is useless, obviously. Only Good Men can do anything.

And yes, it has to be men. We have two women in this book. One, Burke, is an inept traitor, and the other is a Homeland Security official, and a total bitch who hates men.

Most of these last chapters are taken up in describing the fights Jake has with people. Pages and pages of detailed descriptions of these fights, all really boring.

But in the end, Jake and Dog take down the evil progressive terrorists, and the hostages (well, most of them) are saved.

Of course, the university students all need counseling, because "that was the trouble with being a snowflake. You melted if it got the least bit warm."

See, only snowflakes would have PTSD after something like this, or need counseling. Jake, the Real Man, just shrugs it off.

Then his uncle offers him a job, being his partner.

"Work for the government?" Jake frowns.

Because governments are evil, remember.

But don't worry. Dog is a freelance Good Guy with a Gun. So Jake doesn't have to stick his snout in the government trough.

Whew! Close one.

The End

We never find out what happened to Pierce, in case you were wondering, or why Burke is a part of Matthias's crew. We do find out Burke gets arrested, after Jake saves the day, but not what happens to her after that -- does she get the death penalty?

I mean, this is Texas, and Matthias is responsible for more than 30 deaths. Given she's his accomplice, she's on the hook for all those deaths.

Also, what about the big crush Jake had on her? How he was willing to risk his life for her? And then she's a Bad Guy with a Gun? (Also, if Jake is so good at telling Good Guys from Bad Guys, why doesn't he figure out Burke is a bad guy before she has a literal gun shoved in his ribs?)

But this doesn't disturb Jake at all. He just shrugs it off. Bitches, what can you do?

Over on Amazon, the MAGA Americans writing reviews of this book are begging for a sequel. I imagine J.A. will give them one.  Anything for money, after all.

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