Monday, June 06, 2005

What Do We Call This Again?

There's a word for what Fields is doing here:

It's called lying.

First she says this

Wallace Nobrainer, the attorney for the Artichoke school system, explained that the Homeric text 'should be looked upon in the same light as the reading of the Book of Psalms in a public school.' This sentiment is echoed by Debra Klewless, who chairs the Board of Education: 'We don't want taxpayer dollars being spent in order to proselyte children into praying to Zeus and Apollo.

is an "authentically Swiftian" passage, making Swift rise from his grave and come shrieking down the centuries to smite her in righteous wrath for speaking such a big honking whopper; then she says this:

Satire aside, the only thing that saves the Greeks as fit for the public schools is the fact that we regard their stories as myths., Ms. Fields. Actually? We study the Greek myths, and Greek literature, because they're good stuff. As you might know if you had actually read any. Which I'm guess you haven't. That one's not actually a lie, though, just ignorance. This one is another lie: No one proposes teaching the Bible as a sacred text or to promote religious faith in public schools.

Oh, come on. What stupe does she think she's talking to?

Okay. Let's speak slowly here.

No one -- and let's make it clear that we're pronouncing that N-O O-N-E -- objects to the teaching of the Bible as LITERATURE in the public schools. Go ahead and teach the Bible as LITERATURE all you what, Ms. Fields.

The problem is, Ms. Fields, you and yours will not be content to do that.

The problem is, you and yours want to teach it as sacred text.

The problem is, when me and mine go in there and actually teach it as LITERATURE -- i.e. start speaking about myth and character and narrative and aporia and problems in the TEXT, Ms. Fields -- you and yours are going to have a three-carat hissy fit and whine about how you're being PERSECTUTED all over the planet, oh, dear, oh, woe, I know, because I do it, every three or four semesters when I get my strength up again.

So don't be feeding me your lies, Ms. Fields. I am wise to your game.

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