Red-State Male

You probably won't be able to take much of this guy, too hateful and too tedious; but he's instructive.

http://toogoodreports.com/column/general/chapin/20030416.htm

He's a Red-State male stuck in a Blue-State, telling other Conservative Males how to date women (women who "think" they're liberals, as he puts -- they're not actually liberals, he knows that. Women don't actually know what they are, of course. Women just get confused by (I'm assuming male) professors and other authority figures; and once he marries one of them he'll set her straight, I guess, or whatever) --

Why would any woman date this troll?

He claims it's because women instinctively seek "high-status" males with tons of money, which he implies he is. Of course, later on in his "essay," he lets its slip that "if it were up to me I´d eat at Chipotle[ every night]," so, uh. Obviously his definition of "high-status" and mine must differ a bit.

(Here's a tip, Bernie. "High-status" doesn't mean having your very own brand-new Toyota Sierra. Really not. And Neiman-Marcus? That's, um, just a tip here, Bern: not the store all the cool rich kids buy their chicks clothes at.)

Anyway, he's out to tell all his conservative buds how to hang onto those whacky chicks long enough to coax them to back to the cave. Unfortunately, as you can tell if you can make it halfway through his tedious piece of writing, he himself has apparently not ever gotten one of them to last as far as the dessert course with with him.

So, well. Keep trying, Bern.

And here's a tip you might try.

I hear there are these women out there called Conservatives.

I don't know this for a fact, mind you. But Miss Ann Coulter assures me they exist. And she claims they're all just so hot they crackle.

Why aren't you dating them, if they're so lovely and rich and smarter than the average woman and fifty percent of the female population and all?

Huh?