Tuesday, September 04, 2007


Well, I haven't blogged on Craig. I was at the clinic with the kid when the story broke, trying to coax her into drinking about a quart of barium shake, and I confess I did giggle with wicked glee, because I did my time in Idaho under Mr. Craig's smug rule, his family values stick, um, schtick, I mean, and you know, isn't it droll how all these tools who give us Others their sermons about the holiness of the hearth and the sacredness of the Family and how Women Must Stay Home with the Kiddies so that the Family Can Be Kept Safe, how Essential that is, turn out to be hunting the boys (or, you know, Whatever) on the side?

But this is not what I want to get into today.

What I wanted to get into today is how really odd it is that we as a culture go after guys like Craig so violently.

I mean, what is his crime? He wanted some sex with another adult male. Blow me down (pardon the pun) but so what?

True, in a bathroom is not where I would seek that sort of sex, but to each his own.

On other blogs, I've heard the arrest justified b/c "I don't want my eleven year old propositioned when he goes into pee!" except Craig did not approach an eleven year old, obviously. This was an adult, and clearly an adult, and apparently Craig made certain it was an adult. Whatever else he might be (cough hypocrite cough) he's no pedophile.

Nor did he sexually harass this dude. He approached him with such trepidation that it's barely an approach at all, folks. Good heavens.

As other (feminist) blogs have pointed out, try being a woman for a time, deal with how we get approached, all the time, for sex from men, from random strangers. A waggle under a bathroom stall? Jeez Louise. That's nothing.

Starting when I was eleven, I'd say, guys at school regularly began calling me "bitch" and "slut" and asking me if I gave blow jobs for money, asking if I was a virgin. I wasn't sure what a blow job was at eleven, mind you. This continued until high school, when our schools stopped being co-ed.

Starting when I was about eleven, and continuing all the rest of my life, whenever I walked or jogged or rode my bike on any public street, any guy or group of guys that passed me felt free to shout sexual comments at me, proposition me, pull his or their vehicle over and offer to "give me a ride, baby" anywhere I wanted to go. I literally cannot count the number of times this happened. I can think of twice, specifically, when men offered me money to get in their cars with them -- both times I was under sixteen.

I've had guys grab my breasts in crowds. (Yes, guys I do not know. Guys I had never seen in my life.)

I've had a guy yell, "Hey, c*nt, want to f*ck?" at me out of a car window. (This was while I was walking down a street at three in the afternoon, wearing not especially tight jeans and a regular teeshirt. My crime? Existing While Female.)

I've had a guy grab my crotch from behind -- again, this is not in a Girls Gone Wild setting, but in a regular party, among guys I thought I knew, guys I thought were my friends. And then they laughed like this was cute.

I had another guy slip me a drink spiked with too much tequila, back before I knew how to handle liquor, so that I got so drunk I nearly passed out. When I asked him, later, why he had done it, he told me, as though this were absolutely a fine thing to say, "I wanted to get some pussy."

I've had a guy I had been dating for nearly a year trying to force me into sex in his car -- well, that's a story we can all tell, isn't it? He stopped when I said no. Lucky me. Lots of times they don't.

So, you know, tapping some guy's foot? Waggling fingers? They're arresting fellas for this?

The fuck?

Update: See also this, over at Pandagon.


Anonymous said...

I'm puzzled about this, too. Why not "Just Say No" if you're not interested? I think it has to do with male rape fears. I point out to the men in my life that fear of rape is something that women have to deal with on a daily basis. We have to immediately size up every situation (whether consciously or subconsciously), every man we meet, to determine the risk we are taking. It's something they don't really think about until they're in a mens room where the main rule apparently is "Don't Make Eye Contact".

zelda1 said...

It's because it's a gay thing, or the sex he was trying to get was that of same sex. By the way, how hard must it be to exist in a life where you are one way and have to act another. I was a little pissed that it was in a public restroom, but it was in the back, out of sight. I mean, the kids, you know the ones who are too old to go in with mom. I would have