Tuesday, July 10, 2018


So I had this terrible nightmare last night in which I'd had two children and I had both forgotten to love them and lost them.

These were very real children. I could draw you their pictures now, and in the dream they had names, though I can't remember their names now. I was very upset in the dream because I didn't love them -- I'd forgotten the part of parenting where I was supposed to bond with and fall in love with my children.

And then I realized I had no idea where they were. I couldn't remember if they were at a friend's house, or at school, or if they were visiting their grandparents, or what I had done with them.

Then I woke up in sheer terror and lay there for maybe a full minute, trying to remember where my children were, before I remembered I had one kid,who was in the very next room, sound asleep.

I think this is my new version of my anxiety dream. I used to have anxiety dreams in which I'd forgotten to attend a class all semester, and now it was time for the final, and once I became a professor, for awhile I was having dreams in which I'd forgotten to teach a class all semester and now it was time for the final. Now that the kid's 20, apparently I'm going to have dreams in which I've forgotten to raise kids all their lives and now it's time for the final.


nicoleandmaggie said...

I had the same dream on cycle last night... DH and I wanted to get married (we were done with schooling but young), but we didn't have money or resources. So I had to work as a companion for my younger sister for a year (who wasn't my younger sister, but a regency miss who I had to take to balls), and DH had to work for his father's business. His father's business is what changed in each iteration. In the one I liked best, DH had to spend the year designing small Japanese-style rock gardens. In the one I liked least, DH's father turned out to be a mob boss and DH left me for the mob lifestyle. There was another that involved me rescuing him by jumping off a rooftop onto the roof of his moving carriage and slicing through the top of the carriage to get a bomb which I then found and threw out into an empty lot.

I'm not sure what that all says about my current anxieties...

delagar said...

I like how you saved DH in the last one, though!

nicoleandmaggie said...

He was completely innocent in that one, but it turns out his dad was a government spy! (I think maybe a British government spy in the time of Napoleon, but the bomb technology was 20th century, even if the carriage technology was 19th...)

I'm not even reading historical fiction right now! I'm in the middle of a Seanan McGuire (though maybe the spy one is from having the sequel to The Rook next on my TBR list... it's all checked out from the library and shiny on my bedstand right now.)