God, this book. I'll just warn you, we don't get to the concentration camps in this section either, so feel free to skip this bit if you like.
Why can't conservatives write? And why do conservatives want to read this crap? This piece of overwritten drivel has almost 600 5 star reviews on Amazon.
Chapter 13
Noah wakes up in the paddy wagon, Molly cradling his head in her lap. Aw, isn't that sweet? She's such a nurturing woman.
Among other things, this tells me Glenn Beck's ghost writer has never taken a knock in the head. If you're knocked unconscious for longer than a few seconds, you've got serious brain damage. But Noah's Just Fine. Maybe he doesn't have a brain. That would explain a great deal.
Anyway, he ends up in a cell with about sixty other guys, some of them guys from the Freedom Fighters Bar, or whatever it was called, I'm far too bored to go back and check. No one has read him his rights yet. Plus also no one has searched him, or taken away any of his stuff, including his class ring. So we also know that Glenn Beck's Ghost Writer has also never been taken into custody.
Blah blah blah, Noah -- for some reason him and no one else -- gets yanked out of the cell and threatened with about six different felony charges, but luckily his lawyer shows up right then, and says he's pulled strings and has arranged to get everything dropped.
But meanwhile. Noah has seen, through the window in the interview room (luckily the interview room has a window) all the infiltrators from the Freedom Fighters Bar, including the one who shot at Danny, standing in a big circle laughing and chatting with several police officers. (One of them is wearing a Confederate Flag patch, because of course the Real Racists are Progressives Pretending to be Conservatives.) OH NOES. It is a False Flag!
He cries about this to his lawyer, who shrugs. So what, his lawyer says. Grow up, you big baby.
"News flash, son: there’s no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny, and no Legal Fairy who cares about what you think you saw. Injustice exists in this world, and while you’re lucky enough to be insulated from the worst of it, most people aren’t.” He patted Noah on the arm. “Your righteous indignation is noted and filed. Now let's get out of here."
But Noah refuses to leave unless the lawyer gets everyone else from the Freedom Fighters' Bar off the hook too. So the lawyer agrees to do that, though it means getting Noah's daddy involved. Fine, Noah says. Go ahead.
Chapter 14
Noah gets out of jail. Out on the street, he meets up first with Hollis, who thanks him humbly. Noah asks him what time it is, and Hollis -- I kid you fucking not -- tells time by the stars for him.
I mean oh my God. Give me a fucking break. I know Hollis is supposed to be this Magical Middle American Wise Man, but (a) who the actual fuck tells time by the stars these days and (b) he's in New York city now, not Arkansas, so the stars will be different and (c) PLEASE.
Anyway. Then Molly's mama and Molly come up to be grateful also and Noah gives them a ride home in his limo. He tells them he doesn't always ride around in a limo. I'm wondering why he doesn't. He's the son of the richest man in the USA, after all. Why would he ever ride in anything else (a) and also (b) where are his bodyguards?
Anyway, he drops Molly's mom at her hotel and he and Molly stop at a restaurant where he orders curbside meals that they eat in the limo, chicken and waffles, which he calls "Al Sharptons," not racist at all. Molly is from the South but she has never heard of chicken and waffles. Okay.
Noah tells Molly about his Dad's life. His daddy, as it turns out, is a Rhodes Scholar, just like Bill Clinton, and also a disciple of Edward Bernays -- the Jewish Svengali who started the whole eeevil practice of PR. (See, Jews really DO control everything!)
I bet you didn't know that Goebels had Bernays' book on his nightstand! Noah tells Molly, who is appropriately awed.
Bernays…believed it was the responsibility of the elites in society to manipulate the general public into decisions they weren’t smart enough to make on their own, by whatever means necessary. His vision for this country, for the world, really, was a huge, benevolent nanny state, a plutocracy, where the people would be spoon-fed in every aspect of their simple, dreary lives. He’d show them how to vote, what to eat, what to love and hate, what to think, and when to think it. And, God help us all, my father took those lessons to heart
At this point, Noah abruptly changes the subject and says, oh, and also my mom was at Woodstock. I've seen her in the movie. She's naked and making out with this guy. Even more abruptly, Molly climbs into his lap and asks to come home with him.
What?
Yeah, you got me. But that's what happens.
Chapter 15
In this chapter, we find out Noah lives in a big fancy apartment and that he's very odd.
He takes Molly home with him. It's a very big apartment, across the street from the French Embassy. Molly is such a hick that she thinks the French embassy is his apartment. Also they meet the ex-governor of New York in the lobby. Noah is fancy and rich, get it?
He send her to his spare room to sleep, but she comes to his bedroom, dressed in nothing but his old lacrosse shirt, cuddles up under the covers and throws her bare leg over him.
"Don't tease the panther," he tells her.
She is obviously coming on to him. But he just keeps reading his book. And she just goes to sleep.
I have no idea what the scene is supposed to mean. Noah is a gentleman? Molly is... stupid?
It's a bizarre scene, and this is not how humans behave.
We are 40% of the way through the book, according to my Kindle. Here's hoping something happens soon.
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