My Major Complaints about Life At the Moment

In general I am pretty happy with how life is going right now, but I do have some complaints.

(1) I have to put my shoes on every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. Often socks are involved as well.

(2) If I don't feed and hydrate my body, it gets really cranky and sometimes starts hurting

(3) I have to fix meals. Like, every single day. Sometimes more than once a day! [See #2]

(4) Summer

(5) Dishes, laundry

(6) I have to take showers. It's such a production. First you have to arrange a time when the shower is not being used by someone else and the laundry and dishwasher are not running. Then you have to get out a towel and a washcloth and a bath mat. And soap. Then you have to undress. Then you have to get in the shower. Being in the shower is okay, even pleasant, but eventually you have to come out of the shower. Then you have to dry off and dress and clean up the towels and shower and bath mat and now there's more laundry.

(7) Not only to I have to bathe and feed and hydrate my stupid body, I have to exercise it. Even in the summer. UGH.

(8) Republicans and MAGA. Can't we vote them off the island?

(9) So many books are very bad. True, there are also good books. But I need to sort through all the terrible ones to get to the good ones. GOD.

(10) Once you hit about 65, everything starts hurting pretty much all the time. This is also when you retire and finally have plenty of time to live your life but how can you when everything hurts all the time?

(11) If you're thinking about getting a border collie mix, remember it's like installing external ADHD.

(12) Summer. Did I mention summer? Let's mention it again. It's going to be 101 degrees on Tuesday and there are still eleven more weeks until we can reasonably expect some cooler weather. If we must have summer, couldn't we just have it for a weekend in August like they do in some European countries? Or well, I guess as they used to do, since climate change has changed that.

What's that? What's that out there? Let's GO SEE!!

Argh American Healthcare

I chipped a tooth, so I needed a dental appointment. Getting one turned out to be surprisingly easy -- I got in a noon today.

Riding that high, I decided to set up an appointment for Dr. Skull with a PCP. 

That turned out to be a nightmare. It took me three hours and calls to several local doctors before I found one who would just make me a damn appointment (which is a month away). Everyone else wanted me to fill out reams of paperwork, so that they could decide whether to accept him as a patient, and warned me that even if they did accept him, the first appointment would be at least a couple months out.

Oddly, I've been told only places with universal health care/single-payer systems have this sort of problem. How strange!

Things That Make It Rough to Keep on Keeping on

(Obviously these are besides the death of everyone in my family of origin over the past ten years except me and my little brother.)

(1) Spring is here, which means summer is soon to follow

(2) No seasonal fruits are available at the moment. If I want fruit, it has to be dried fruit or imported grapes or extremely expensive apples. 

(3) When did apples get so expensive?

(4) The weather has been both hot and damp over the past few days. If I wanted to live in a city that felt and smelled like an armpit, surely I could pick a better place than Arkansas.

(5) Insomnia

(6) None of my favorite writers are publishing books fast enough. I can only re-reading their older works so many times.

(7) Pollen.

(8) Dishes and laundry have to be done over and over and over. See also: making dinner.

(9) I can't just exercise one day and be done, oh, no, I must exercise every single day

(10) Major papers are coming in, plus drafts of complete scripts for my script writing class. I do love my students but there are 23 in each comp class and ten in the script writing class, and that's 1156 pages of work to read over the next week, and not just read but think about and comment on.

(11) The GOP. What is happening with these people? They have lost their fucking minds. They have left reality. It's gone beyond disturbing and into the realm of "don't they have loved ones who can get them some help?"

(12) There's nothing I really want to eat anymore, except coffee. Ugh.

Internets

 ATT sent us a new modem, which we installed. 

The internet continued to intermittently fail.

We called their customer service again. (They have possibly the worst customer service on the planet.) Customer service did something by remote. ("checked the connection," I think?)

Internet is now working. But I expect it to fail at any moment.

I'm reading a book written in 1995. This was just before the internet became universal and pervasive, and before cell phones. People are communicating by snail mail and by calling each other up on landlines. When they don't know something, they have to go to newpapers archives in the basement of a library and hunt through stacks and stacks of old issues by hand. If they can't find someone, they have to go drive around looking for them. 

It's like another planet, y'all. 

One I seriously don't want to live on again.

Eye Eye Eye

 

About four weeks ago, I had some weird flashes in my eyes, which made me think my retina might be detaching. (My mother's retina detached when she was some years younger than I am now.)

Eye doctors take you seriously when you phone in with those symptoms, so I saw a guy not an hour later. The good news -- my retina is fine.

The bad news: I had a follow-up today, which meant my pupils are dilated yet a second time. 

Eyes are still fine, but I can't read OR write. What am I supposed to do?

ETA: In case you're curious about why I saw the weird flashes, the eye doctor explained to me kindly that it was because I am getting "older."

A polite way to put it. He was about 12 himself.

Thunder in the Ozarks

 We had a massive storm just before dawn this morning -- thunder so loud and constant it shook the house, torrential rain, and then -- at around six a.m. -- the power went out. It stayed out until about five minutes ago: about five hours without power.

As always, we were made aware of how dependent we are on electricity. The fridge runs on it, the lights, the internet, all the clocks, our music, the air conditioning -- the coffee maker!

Luckily, due to the storm, it wasn't as apocalyptically hot as it has been. So we didn't suffer as much as we might have due to no AC. The coffee was another matter, however.

Glad to have power restored. And once again very glad not to live in 1820.

The Story of my Illness

I probably ought to wait a week or so to write this, given that I'm not yet out of the dark woods. But I'm so much better than I was.

Kidney stones, as I said earlier, started all this.

I have two massive stones, and they jammed up in my urethra, which just for the record I do not recommend. Not only does this cause pain beyond comprehension, it also will cause urine to back up into the kidney, causing it to swell (and also hurt amazingly) and sooner or later begin to die.

This is why when you go to the ER with kidney stones, they get you in right away, organ death being nothing to fuck with. (The people at the ER were great, by the way, even the second time, when I went in on Saturday night, when they were swamped.)

The first time, they kept me two days, putting in a stent (bypassing the stones, as they thought) while also giving me IV morphine and fluids. I went home and was better for maybe three days, though still very sick.

Then very rapidly I deteriorated, with non-stop vomiting, more pain, and a general feeling I can't even describe to you. I've never felt that bad. As it turned out, this was because my kidneys were, in fact, shutting down. (Again, do not recommend.)

Back to the ER, where they admitted me once again. The urologist guy I'd seen while I was out came by at four a.m. (everything in hospitals happens at night) to tell me the CT and ultrasound showed the stones jammed up against the top of the stent, blocking it. They had to put a new stent in.

"I thought they did lithotripsy," I said. "I thought they broke up the stones."

"Not yet," he said grimly. Apparently the entire state of Arkansas has one lithotripsy machine and it won't be at this hospital until December 27th (when I'm scheduled to have it done). Good thing we don't have socialized medicine, huh? Some people might have to risk their lives waiting for proper care.

Anyway, they gave me more morphine and fluids, put in a new stent, threading it past the stones this time, and sent me home to wait until the machine is available. Since the stent isn't blocked by the stones now, my kidney function is improving, and I'm feeling much better.

On the other hand, I spent the past two weeks either vomiting or queasy, unable to eat anything at all (literally -- I tried to eat a cracker and couldn't manage), so I'm down 12 pounds and so weak I can barely walk out to the mailbox.

Looking back (1) I should have gone to the ER much sooner, except I was still hoping I would pass the stone on my own and (B) I should have gone back to the ER much, much sooner.

But given how much all this is going to cost (the hospital $$$ person has nicely set us up with a payment plan, as they will), yeah.

Whining

It's going to be 101 degrees here today, with a heat index of 113.

Also, through no fault of my own -- a clerical error on the other end -- I did not get my sabbatical. Aargh.

I've been invited to reapply, at least.

Weather

Y'all, it is so hot here.

I know, I know it's hot everywhere. And it's Arkansas in July, of course it's hot.

But wow. I have to water my sad little garden (three tomato plants, some basil, and some oregano) twice a day, and I can't take the dog out for his walk until after sunset.

Eight more weeks until fall. And that's if fall comes on time.

Conversation at the Library

I stopped by the library, to pick up the half dozen books they were holding for me.

The big library in our town is maybe five miles away. It has the most books, so I put books on hold when I want to read them, having them sent to the library which is two blocks from my house.

All the librarians there know me, since I'm in there two or three times a week, either picking up books and looking for books or bringing books back. Also, the Kid used to hang out there a lot when he was in high school, and he always volunteered to work there summers.

Anyway, today the new librarian, who I liked a lot, was there. She got my books and checked them out for me, asked, "You read so much. You must just go home every night and read."

"I do," I agreed cheerfully. "That's pretty much all I do, read books and write them. But what can I do?" I added. "There are so many books!"

"Same!" she said, and we beamed happily at each other.

One reason I'm hesitant to move out of our current house (which I would love to do, to move into something with a lower rent which is closer to the school) is how much I would miss having this library within walking distance, right across the street from the post office, and also the local grocery store, only maybe a tenth of a mile further on. Also! Our dentist is like four blocks in the other direction.

If it only wasn't so far from where I work, this would be the perfect house.

(So far: eight miles. I can get to work in ten minutes, if the traffic is light. So ignore my whining.)

Poor Abused White Straight Cismen

Over at Rod Dreher's blog, a comment from a white cis man claims that the man is being "lured" into white nationalism because of the "constant barrage" from the media which tells him he's the source of all evil in America.

Hold on, let me laugh hysterically.

But I am sure this gentleman believes what he is claiming -- that, for instance, the Gillette ad (which suggested being masculine doesn't have to mean being toxic), and the #metoo movement, and the affair of the MAGA teens is equal to a barrage accusing all white straight men of being evil.

I remember a study (which my google foo cannot now find) which showed that when ten percent of the women in class spoke up, the men in the class (30% of whom spoke in class) perceived the women as 'dominating' the classroom.

And when more than one woman wins an award -- so like two or three win awards, say -- men perceive that as women 'rigging' the awards, or getting special favors.

And we have seen the hysteria which is arise because slightly more women than men (and yes, it is just slightly more) are succeeding in the college classroom. My God, it is a national emergency that 56% of college graduates are women.

Is it true that the media is "attacking" white straight males?

Let me tell you a story. When I was a baby professor in my first job, out in Idaho, the men there complained to the dean that I was always "attacking" men in class, and that I "hated" men. When the dean asked for examples, the complaining men had nothing to say. "Well, she's always talking about feminism," they finally said.

I wasn't 'always' talking about feminism, of course. I had mentioned it maybe twice in class. But any discussion of women and women's rights was perceived as an "attack" on straight white men.

That's what is happening here, also. Trans people are speaking up about the rights of trans people. Immigrants are speaking up about the rights of immigrants. Occasionally someone suggests maybe women should have equal rights as well. Now and then someone mentions that rape is probably a bad thing, and that rapists aren't prosecuted as they should be.

And this is seen as an 'attack' on all white straight men. This is seen as a "constant barrage" of hate against white straight men in general.

Anything other than a media which constantly discusses the rights of white straight men equals a "constant barrage" of hate. Any suggestion that white straight males are treated better than other groups is the same as calling all white men evil.

And the slightest suggestion that white straight men might have it easier than other groups in our country? Well, that justifies those white men joining white nationalist groups.

I mean, who can blame them? Should they just sit back and wait to be treated like women? Like black people? Like they're trans?




ETA: See also this thread, where a well-meaning white guy objects to a writer mentioning her new book on twitter, because books about girls are an attack on  men and boys.

Tuition Waiver

I went into school to turn in the tuition waiver for the Kid's fall semester. This is always such a hassle. I mean, it's absolutely worth it, since we get 40% off the tuition*. But jeez.

Every semester, there is some new required bit of paperwork. The required paperwork isn't actually listed on the form -- you don't find out exactly what you need until you try to turn in the paperwork, and then some apologetic human resources person says, Yes, you've got the waiver filled out correctly, and yes, you have the copy of your income tax form, showing this kid is actually your dependent, and yes, you have the enrollment confirmation, but this year we want (X) also!

So you have to go find that thing and make a second (sometimes a third, if the thing you find isn't the exact right thing) trip to file the paperwork.

It used to be just the waiver and the enrollment confirmation. Now it's like six different forms.

Still worth it, yes, but irksome.





*Nothing else, not the fees, not the room and board -- all of which are the most expensive part of a university education -- just 40% off the tuition itself. Still, this comes to almost $3000 saved per academic year, and that's not nothing.

Money money money

At the end of June, I got the first of the two checks I will get for teaching Summer I classes. This one was the larger one, and after taxes it was just over $3500. (The second check will be much smaller -- just under a thousand dollars.)

What have I done with my astounding wealth?

(1) Got the car fixed. We needed to replace two tires and the battery, and to fix a brake light which had been out for some time. We *ought* to have replaced the windshield, which has a pretty serious crack in it. But this will have to wait for some future windfall.

(2) Paid off two credit cards, the ones with small balances.

What we haven't done:

(1) Paid off the credit card with the larger balance -- a couple thousand dollars. (Medical bills and car repairs.)

(2) Gotten new glasses, which I desperately need.

(3) Fixed the dryer, which has been broken since early May. Dragging all the laundry to the laundromat is getting old fast, too.

(4) Paid off the remaining medical bills -- about $800 to my surgeon for my gut surgery, $300 to the Kid's doctor, $700 to the dentist from when I broke my tooth.

(5) Saved up enough money to move.  We would really, really, really like to move into a smaller, cheaper house closer to the university. But we'd need (probably) about a thousand dollars (maybe $1500) to pay deposits and first month's rent and hire a moving truck and so on. I'm starting to think we'll never have that kind of cash on hand. Ever.

We do have enough money to rent a truck to move the Kid up to FV, come Fall. So there's that.

Language and Change

Over on FB, on a closed thread, I wrote a light-hearted post about students who misuse "whom" when they write.

I suggested that it might be okay to ban students from using the word "whom." This is something, by the way, that I actually believe -- that we should tell students not to use the word whom, ever.

Why do I believe this?

Well, as a student of the English language, I have learned that all living languages evolve and change. For instance, once upon a time, people who spoke standard educated English would say "thee" and "thou" for the singular form of the 2nd person pronoun. But around 1250 or so, these forms began to fall out of use in Standard English. (This happened for complicated reasons having to do with the influence of Norman French on the language.)

For awhile, we had only the two plural forms of the pronoun, ye and you. Ye was the nominative (subject) form, and you was the accusative (object) form.

But in spoken English, all non-stressed vowels revert to the schwa sound, and so people increasingly had trouble telling ye from you, or distinguishing between the subject and the object forms of the word. Shakespeare -- for example -- almost never gets it right, and the translators of the King James Bible have similar problems.

Fast-forward to the 18th century and only you remains -- people have stopped using ye entirely.

Something of the same process is happening with who and whom in current standard English. In another fifty years, whom will be as dead as ye.

I did not make this lengthy argument on FB, of course. I was making a joke, not giving a lecture.

But you can guess what happened. It's the same thing that happens whenever I point out that Standard English is a living, changing language in a public forum; or even when I note that many varieties of English exist, and they are all different, and all equally valid*.

Someone with a substandard understanding of English grammar and linguistics began to lecture me on how my attitude would destroy the language; on how change in languages was "cancer"; and on how my fancy Ph.D didn't mean I knew more about the topic than they did.

My attempts to use evidence and data resulted -- as always -- in this person only getting more angry. This person pulled the "when you get to be my age, honey" card almost at once. (Because, as you know, I am a mere child.)

It's exasperating, frankly. Would anyone argue this way with an engineer? Would you tell a heart surgeon that your understanding of human anatomy and medicine was superior to theirs, no matter what their training? Hell, would you even argue with an auto mechanic in this fashion?

But it's perfectly okay to tell professors of a subject that they know nothing valid about the subject.

I blame the GOP**, who has told us -- endlessly -- that educators are idiots and should be treated with contempt.






*Pro-Tip: Don't try to convince conservatives that Black English is a legitimate dialect. It's both pointless and exasperating.

** Before anyone gets incensed about this, I'm also halfway joking here. I wish it were only Trump-supporters who had a Dunning-Kruger level of understanding when it comes to English grammar / the English language.

The Semester Has Begun

I've had a relatively light semester so far -- two classes on Tuesday, three on Thursday, and only a tiny one-hour class on Mondays. Only one Comp class also, which really lightens the workload. (27 comp students instead of 81, which is what I had last semester.)

I'm enjoying teaching grammar the most, obviously, though I met with my fiction writers for the first time last night and the class looks promising.

The Kid is taking WLIT up at their university. I'm having a great deal of vicarious fun via that avenue -- what they're reading, how they like it. WLIT is my jam. Right now they're reading Giglamesh.

Jury duty has been more annoying than troublesome, so far. I've only had to report once, but the reporting dates keep changing, so I never know when I might have to miss class, or if. This makes planning ahead difficult.

Also Dr. Skull needs dental work, the sort that they knock you out for, so I'll have to go with him. More planning, more interruptions.

All of this is making it difficult to write. (My real complaint.) But maybe things will settle down soon.

Blackboard

I have succumbed, y'all.

I am finally allowing myself to be "trained" in the use of Blackboard.

I resisted this training for years, because I loathe online courses, think they are a terrible way to teach anything, think students do not and cannot learn well that way, and did not ever want to teach one.

But I have to teach what is called a "hybrid" class next spring, which is a class that meets one day a week in the classroom, and the rest of the time online; so I have to know how to use the system.

This is my Angry Face

Of course, this will leave me vulnerable to being assigned online courses in the future. Curses! I am foiled!

Update on My Belly

So y'all remember that they cut on me awhile back.

I'm pleased to relate that I had my follow up with my surgeon (this was almost a month ago) and he "released" me, meaning unless something changes, I am cured.

Whining

• I have to go back to work on Friday -- sort of. It's the pre-school conference day. I don't actually start teaching until Tuesday. 

SO MANY MEETINGS

I have an excellent teaching schedule this semester -- Tuesdays and Thursdays only, with my first class starting at 11:00 -- but I begin to fear that this wonderful schedule, which looked as if it would leave me plenty of time to write, is going to be wrecked by a plethora of meetings.

I am on far too many committees, and each of these committees seems determined to hold weekly meetings. Then we have a monthly faculty meeting. Then I have ad hoc meetings, for this and that, all of them necessary -- I agree they're necessary, each one of them -- but sweet Jesus, they're eating my life.

The biggest time suck now is a work-intensive committee involving a university-wide responsibility which ought to resolve itself by early October. Here's hoping.

And some of the other committees, I hope, will also calm down soon.

Meanwhile, though...

Unpleasant Things That Happened This Week So Far

(1) My genderqueer kid got told by an adult who should know better that being LGBT is an evolutionary error, because gay people don't have babies, and evolution is all about passing on those genes, isn't it. Evolution is teleological, y'all. Who knew.