A Christian Nation My Big White

I've been reading Sarah Blaffer Hrdy's Father Time, which is a companion volume to her two books Mother Nature and Mothers and Others. Hrdy is a biological anthropologist who looks at parenting, including alloparenting. Specifically, she looks at how human evolution was shaped by our need to first produce and then keep alive fat little expensive babies, which have to be carted about for two or three years and then provisioned for ten or fifteen more years.

That's a huge investment in calories and time, and if we're going to compete as a species, we need to produce, and keep alive, three or four children per woman. Hrdy's overall thesis is that this is impossible without the help of alloparents (which is to say, people besides the parents who are willing to invest time in and to provide calories for the babies). In this new book, Father Time, Hrdy repeats that thesis, but looks more specifically at fathers, and at men, and at how being around babies shapes human males. She also looks briefly at the effect not being around babies has on human males. She's talking about the biological effects -- brain growth, hormones, that kind of thing -- as well as the cultural effects.

This is a fascinating book, and I encourage everyone to read it. Among other things, Hrdy looks at how our current generation of fathers and men have changed and are changing; she talks about how grandparents and fictive kin are encouraged in various societies to help provision and care for children; and she looks at what happens when a society focuses on the rights and honor of men and the ability of men to control women, rather than on those babies and the need to care for them and keep them alive.

Which brings me to my secondary point -- the "Pro-Life" "Christian" culture which our current "conservatives" keep claiming as their own.

Oddly, this culture has very little to say about caring for or feeding children, except that parents should not expect anyone to help them feed or take care of those children. Its "pro-life" aspect, as we all have seen, is focused entirely on forcing people to continue pregnancies against their will. That's got almost nothing to do with babies and almost everything to do with controlling women (and people the GOP defines as women).

Our current GOP and "conservative" culture are focused -- well, they're focused on wealth concentration and capitalism, obvious, capitalism being their true religion. 

But the "tradwife" movement and the "pro-life" movement and the push to remake the US into a Christian nation, ruled by the laws of a very few sects of Christianity -- those are all about control of people the GOP considers inferior, which is to say women, immigrants, poor people, and LGBTQ people.

You can tell because none of what they are trying to force the rest of us to accept has anything to do with provisioning people or helping families. You can also tell by the lies they tell and the laws they want to impose on us, all of which are about control, and none of which are about helping their fellow citizens.

Haitians are eating dogs and cats? That's about trying to control brown people, poor people, and immigrants, by bearing false witness, by the way, which is one of those ten commandments they idolize.

Democrats want to make it legal to kill newborn babies? That's about controlling the bodies and fertility of those inferiors.

Democrats are coming for your guns? The right of (certain) men to control others through violence shall not be infringed.

The things Christ actually said, which have to do with wealth redistribution, feeding the hungry, giving to the poor, and staying with and taking care of the family (which is why Christ forbids divorce), those are things our current "conservatives" not only ignore but actively treat as anathema. You should see my local FB page when they talk about beggars. It's not at all Christlike, that's all I have to say.

Christ, by the way, had nothing at all to say about gay people, or trans people, or abortion, for that matter. The only thing he had to say about violating sexual taboos has to do with not throwing stones. Our current conservatives do nothing BUT throw stones. 

They don't want Christianity. They want control. They're the Christian version of the Taliban, and everyone who looks at them can see it.

Poor Abused White Straight Cismen

Over at Rod Dreher's blog, a comment from a white cis man claims that the man is being "lured" into white nationalism because of the "constant barrage" from the media which tells him he's the source of all evil in America.

Hold on, let me laugh hysterically.

But I am sure this gentleman believes what he is claiming -- that, for instance, the Gillette ad (which suggested being masculine doesn't have to mean being toxic), and the #metoo movement, and the affair of the MAGA teens is equal to a barrage accusing all white straight men of being evil.

I remember a study (which my google foo cannot now find) which showed that when ten percent of the women in class spoke up, the men in the class (30% of whom spoke in class) perceived the women as 'dominating' the classroom.

And when more than one woman wins an award -- so like two or three win awards, say -- men perceive that as women 'rigging' the awards, or getting special favors.

And we have seen the hysteria which is arise because slightly more women than men (and yes, it is just slightly more) are succeeding in the college classroom. My God, it is a national emergency that 56% of college graduates are women.

Is it true that the media is "attacking" white straight males?

Let me tell you a story. When I was a baby professor in my first job, out in Idaho, the men there complained to the dean that I was always "attacking" men in class, and that I "hated" men. When the dean asked for examples, the complaining men had nothing to say. "Well, she's always talking about feminism," they finally said.

I wasn't 'always' talking about feminism, of course. I had mentioned it maybe twice in class. But any discussion of women and women's rights was perceived as an "attack" on straight white men.

That's what is happening here, also. Trans people are speaking up about the rights of trans people. Immigrants are speaking up about the rights of immigrants. Occasionally someone suggests maybe women should have equal rights as well. Now and then someone mentions that rape is probably a bad thing, and that rapists aren't prosecuted as they should be.

And this is seen as an 'attack' on all white straight men. This is seen as a "constant barrage" of hate against white straight men in general.

Anything other than a media which constantly discusses the rights of white straight men equals a "constant barrage" of hate. Any suggestion that white straight males are treated better than other groups is the same as calling all white men evil.

And the slightest suggestion that white straight men might have it easier than other groups in our country? Well, that justifies those white men joining white nationalist groups.

I mean, who can blame them? Should they just sit back and wait to be treated like women? Like black people? Like they're trans?




ETA: See also this thread, where a well-meaning white guy objects to a writer mentioning her new book on twitter, because books about girls are an attack on  men and boys.

Trans, Bi, Genderfluid, Cis, Gay, Lesbian

Over here, Nicole & Maggie talk about a growing trend among not just fanatical Christians but also people claiming to be progressive or feminist -- that is, the notion that these kids today aren't really trans (or gay, or bi, or whatever): they're just saying they're trans because

• it's a fad
• peer pressure
• people are lying to them
• virtue signalling
• to get richer
• they're being compelled by their parents
• internalized misogyny
• demons
• they're confused
• the Left wants to Destroy America
• they're actually men who want access to sports, or women's changing rooms, or young children

As Nicole and Maggie point out, there is no evidence that any of this is true. But there is plenty of evidence that repeating and endorsing these lies does real harm to trans/gay/genderfluid kids. 

The harm they are doing with their lies does not bother any of these people. And trying to discuss the issue with them will get you nowhere. Why? Because these people are not rational about their fear and hatred of trans/gay/genderfluid people. 

We can see this in the excessive amount of time they spend spreading their lies -- in the obsession they have with trans people or LGB people. (See here for a list of the times Rod Dreher has posted about these issues.)

And we can see it when we try to provide such people with data about why they're wrong about their claims -- they dismiss any evidence that doesn't fit their claim, and frequently (as Rod does) resort to name-calling and more lies.

Frequent claims made by TERFs and Transphobes:

(1) Kids are being manipulated by activists. This claim is put forward on no evidence whatsoever. The 'proof' that is offered is that the number of kids who say they're trans or gay or bisexual has risen over the past decade. "It's statistically impossible for this many kids to be bisexual," as one comment claimed.

It's obvious to anyone who is trans or who knows trans people why more kids are admitting they're trans (or gay, or bi), and it's not because it's fun or cool to be LGBTQ. It's because ten years ago, admitting you were LGBTQ was a sure way to be abused, or fired, committed to an psychiatric hospital, or literally tortured. 

That's less likely to happen these days, though I know personally kids who were kicked out by their homes after they came out to their parents, or threatened with medical abuse, or whose parents quit paying for their education.

Because it's less likely these kids will be abused, it's now safer for them to admit the truth. It's not there are more LGBTQ kids now. It's that so many LGBTQ kids in the past were forced to stay in the closet. (Note that it's the visibility of LGBTQ kids that upsets many transphobes.)

(2) Parents are abusing their kids by (apparently) manipulating these kids into believing they're gay, or trans, or bisexual. Parents do this because it's 'cool' to have a trans or gay or bisexual kid, and they want the attention. Again, no evidence is put forward. Instead, transphobes and homophobes simply insist it must be true. Those of us with trans or bi or gay kids know what a bizarre claim this is, but again, no amount of evidence or attempt to argue has any effect.

(3) Parents are forcing or allowing their kids to transition as young as five or six, putting them on Hormone-Replacement Therapy at five or six, getting them top or bottom surgery as young as five or six. "How can a six year old know anything about their gender!" These TERFS/Transphobes wail. "When I was six, I wanted to be a purple unicorn! Should my parents have gotten me surgery for that?" Just FYI: No one is performing top or bottom surgery on children.

And while some kids do have access to hormone blockers, that is not at all the same as HRT. They're not given to six year olds* (why would they be?) and for kids who have gender dysphoria, hormone blockers may be literally life-saving. Also, despite what many TERFs and Transphobes claim, puberty blockers are a well-tested and relatively safe drug. 

(4) Kids claim to be trans because our society discriminates again women, and tells women they're evil and icky, so this is a way kids can escape being female. This is a bizarre claim on the face of it, since no matter how badly women are treated in our culture, trans people are treated much worse. Also, obviously, only a certain percentage of trans people are trans masc/trans men. Why would trans women even exist, if this were true?

(5) The medical profession is pushing kids into Hormone-Replacement Therapy, because reasons. Again, those of us who are trans or who know trans people know what a bizarre claim this is. It's extremely hard to get HRT, and no psychiatrist or therapist or doctor is just going to give it to a kid who shows up and says they're trans. (Nor will they medicate a child just because the parent says they're trans.) The process of obtaining HRT is lengthy, and usually takes years. Everyone involved is not just cautious, they are over-cautious. And this is partly because trans people are so discriminated against in our culture.

And again, when evidence is provided to transphobes/TERFs who make this claim, they retreat into insults and mockery. It's as if the evidence that they are wrong terrifies them almost as much as the existence of trans people.

So What's Up?

Why are TERFs and transphobes so bothered by the existence of trans people and LGB people? Why do they get so rage-filled and out of control when facts and evidence are presented to them?

There's a certain sort of person, usually an authoritarian-raised person, who clings to boundaries and rules. (The authoritarian person "categorizes the world with the simplicity and rigidity of a five year old child.") Any violation of these rules, however minor, terrifies them. We see this with people who call for draconian punishments for minor crimes: if someone can run a stop sign with impunity, these people claim, or use illegal drugs and not suffer for it, then our culture (nay, our world) is doomed. (Thus the authoritarians who embrace of leaders such as Roberto Duerte, for instance, who summarily executes drug addicts on the street.)

For these people, gender rules must be strictly enforced. If a young boy can wear nail polish with impunity, then our entire culture is at risk. 

So what happens to such people when kids say they're trans? Or genderqueer? What happens when trans people come out openly as trans? Authoritarian people are terrified, and their terror drives them to irrational arguments and (worse) irrational behavior.

(I mean, seriously. What harm can possibly be done to these people if one of their neighbors is trans? Or if trans kids exist in a classroom neither they nor their children will ever attend?)

Why Doesn't Everyone React This Way?

Good question.

For one thing, not everyone suffered an authoritarian upbringing. And some who have are able to overcome that upbringing.

Most of us, in fact, are able to think rationally about the customs, rules, and laws of our culture. Most of us can listen to reason, and be persuaded that what our parents believed, or our preacher believed, might not always be true. We can change our minds when presented with evidence, in other words. 

Further, for many of us, gender roles and gender itself is a spectrum. Perhaps five percent of everyone is Rigidly Female, or Rigidly Male. These people are locked into gender, and for them it must seem like gender roles are as real as gravity. Others (like me) are somewhere in the middle. 

I remember, for instance, how outraged my mother would get when a clerk at the bank (for instance) misgendered her, and called her sir. 

(When I worked in the service industry, behind the counter at a deli and later at McDonalds, I learned how easy it was to make this mistake. It had nothing to do the gender or appearance of the person -- it has to do with how many people we served and how exhausted we were.)

When my mother got misgendered, she would snap angrily at the clerk (and my mother was never rude to people) and fume for hours afterwards. "Sir! Why would you call me sir? Do I look like a man?"

Yet when I get misgendered, which happens a lot, since (as my kid notes) I'm the most butch straight woman ever, I could not care less. Yes, I'm cis. Yes, I'm straight. Yes, I'm a woman. But when someone calls me sir or mistakes me for a man, it bothers me not even a tiny bit. Why would it, is my reaction.

There are things about being a woman that bother me: I don't like how everyone feels entitled to comment on my body, or how I dress. (This includes male students, one of whom told me I didn't dress like a 'real' woman.)

I don't like how the law discriminates against women, or how many people deny that this discrimination exists. I don't like being expected to do more service work in the university than my male counterparts do.

I don't like that I'm less likely to succeed in my chosen career than men are. I don't like that I'm expected to do most of the housework, and most of the childcare, and most of the management of my family's day-to-day lives (making all the medical appointments, for instance, and making sure those appointments get kept). 

But as much as I don't like these things, would I pretend to be trans to avoid them? 

That's just such a bizarre idea, and such a bizarre claim, that I can't believe anyone seriously believes it. It's so hard to be trans, and so hard to transition, as anyone who knows trans people knows. Why would I take that enormous burden on myself to avoid a much smaller burden? 

Also, that's just not how it works. You don't decide your gender. Your gender is what it is.

I am indeed the most butch woman you will ever meet. I don't own a dress. I have never worn nail polish. I hate make up. My hair is shorter than most men wear theirs. I dress in jeans and teeshirts and Converse sneakers, pretty much 24/7. And yet: I am straight and cisgendered and solely attracted to men. That's not something I decided. That's what I am.

Most transphobes and homophobes almost certainly are as certain about their gender and orientation as I am. Yet they claim to believe that other people can pretend to be, or want to be, or decided to be, a gender and orientation other than the one that is 'real.'

They must know this isn't the case. And yet they repeat lies and misinformation premised on this claim.

It's not rational. Ergo, it's irrational. But most fear is.

What to Do?

Another good question.

First, the best advice I ever got about feminist was not to let people who hate feminists tell you what feminism is.

Likewise, don't let TERFs or transphobes or homophobes tell you what trans or LGB or genderfluid people are like, or why they're doing what they do.

Instead, read reliable sources. Don't get your information -- for instance -- from the National Review, or the Daily Mail, or Jordan Peterson. (Or God forbid Rod Dreher.) Look for papers written by actual scientists, and information put out by reliable sources, such as the American Psychological Association, or the American Academy of Pediatrics. (Not the American College of Pediatricians, which is a Right-Wing hate group.)

Also, read widely. There is plenty of reliable information available. Seek it out.

Above all, listen to trans people, and gay people, and genderfluid people. Let them tell you who they are, and what they want, and why they want it. Let them tell you what it's like to be them. And trust them.

They're not lying. Why would they?

An explanation and examination of some of the arguments 

Violence against trans people in 2018

Harm done by enforcing transphobia

What the science says

Trans kids

*The exception would be a six year old who had entered into what is called "precocious puberty." That's got nothing to do with trans kids, though.

NOTE: This post was written with the help of my excellent kid.

Trans People and Civil Rights

An actual argument I have seen persist among Evangelicals and Trump supporters is this one: Trans people are only .01% of the population (or .03% or whatever number they've been given by Fox News that morning), so why should the rest of us have to accommodate them?

It's an argument I can't believe anyone thinks is legitimate, but let's say you do.

What percentage of the population does a given group have to reach before you'll agree they should have civil rights? The deaf are only .38% of the population. Jews are less than 1%. Filipinos are less than 2%. Do we strip away their civil rights as well?

The USA doesn't base civil rights on how big a group is. Or at least we didn't used to do so.

LGBTQ, Genderqueer, and the Rest

As long-time readers know, my kid is genderqueer. (They're also an amazing artist*, and if you're not reading their comic you should start now.)

Monday Links

I overslept and missed a meeting this morning. I blame my insomnia.

Have some links!

Richard Wilbur died. Aside from Sharon Olds, he's my favorite modern poet, so I was sad, even if he was nearly 100 years old. Some of my favorites: Advice to a Prophet,  Boy at the Window, The Writer, The Beautiful Changes, Still, Citizen Sparrow, Year's End