Saturday, February 07, 2009

Okay Now

I've got a plan -- my own stimulus plan.

I'm totally going to start writing Right-Wing Porn for all these abstinence-Only tools who are preaching no whacking off, no being gay, no sex bf marriage, yadda yadda.

I mean, I know there's no cash in porn anymore, what with X-Tube and all that (I hear, I mean, I've never actually been on such sites myself, laws no), but since these tools won't touch such sites themselves, see, it's an untapped market, a perfect niche --

Jimmy Xtian goes to my site, looking to learn how not to touch himself, or how not to be gay, and I give him, in great salacious detail, lessons on how to not touch himself, and never touch there, and don't use this kind of oil, and never stand in front of the mirror with the lights at that angle, and don't think about this, and never bring your soccer buddy in to watch, and don't put your finger there--

It'll cost five bucks for a password, see.  I'll make millions!

6 comments:

zelda1 said...

Look at this: http://www.cafepress.com/liberalmastur

intothethickofit said...

Freaking brilliant! Want a partner in crime?

web said...

If you haven't read For My Lady's Heart by Laura Kinsale, you really should. :-)

delagar said...

tonks -- we can make a bundle in the tubes! (No pun intended!)

violet said...

That's brilliant! I have design skills. Clearly, you want me on your team.

And later, we can branch into Christian personals, where believers struggling with homosexuality can meet each other, develop meaningful bonds, and share their struggles and their love of... Christ.

tonkelu said...

I've been thinking about this and I'm sure we could get Mr. Tonks to provide us with comic book-like illustrations for each lesson/ tip. Pencil drawings are much less threatening to those struggling with their homosexual tendencies. Example: a picture of two ridiculously attractive men sitting too close to each other at a fellowship meeting in a church basement. Man A's hand "accidentally" brushes against Man B's thigh resulting in Man A's, er, hmm...special *member*, in rising off the couch and sending his thoughts spiraling downward (way, way down). That's no good for keeping your thoughts heterosexual and pure! You must stay away from temptation! And if that means sitting next to Widow Watson who smells like kitty litter and canned peas, then so be it!