Monday, February 15, 2010

What If...

The Kid: (working on her school project, a cut-out related to the book report not quite yet overdue): If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

Me: Uhmmm.  Just one thing?  Jeez.  That's tough.

The Kid: Just one.

Me: (Thinking of Wilhelm's wishing for big things -- don't waste your wishes on tiny things, always wish for Golden Wings!; and the old joke*): Ummm...okay, okay.  I would make it so there was no religion and never had been any religion.

The Kid: --- --- ---

Me: See, because I think a lot of bad things have happened because of religion.  And also lots of people use religion to excuse doing bad things.  And even if some few good things happen because of religion, that's--

The Kid: I'd wish for there not to be any corn syrup.

Me: Oh.

The Kid:  Yeah.  That's what I'd change.

Me:  So you could eat marshmallows.

The Kid: Right.

Me: --- --- ----

The Kid:  Don't judge me!  YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME!

*You know the old joke: This tenured professor of philosophy is working late one night far back in the stacks at Cambridge or Yale,  I forget just where, anyway, in among piles and piles of books, and he reaches far back in the stacks and pulls out this jar.  He dusts it off, and WHAP, out pops a Genii.  "Dude," the Genii says.  "TNX, I've been in there forever.  You can have one wish--"

"One?" The professor interrupts.  "I thought--"

"Dude, don't interrupt.  You can have one wish: you have everlasting beauty, infinite wealth, or eternal wisdom."  The Genii paused.  "Choose now!" he hinted.

"Sublime wisdom," the professor said promptly.

"Done," said the Genii.  "Deuces, dude," he added, and zap, he was gone.

About six minutes later, some of the professor's colleagues come along, and the professor is sitting at the table, his fists clenched, staring straight ahead of himself.

"Hey," they said.  "Hey, what's wrong?"

He shook his head. "I should have taken the money."



tonkelu said...

Here's a recipe for the kid:

My research tells me that you can try substituting agave, 1 1/4 c. sugar plus 1/4 c. water for every one cup of corn syrup, Lyle's Golden Syrup, honey or molasses. Also, just omit the peppermint extract.

NOW what would she wish for?

delagar said...

Her daddy had a recipe with honey, which she refused to eat. Claimed it was "too sweeet."

We'll try yours & see if that works better. TNX!