Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My Momma She's An Atheist...

So I'm talking to the kid the other night, and I point out that you know, technically, according to Xtian's own rules, Jesus is illegitimate, and --

What? she demands.

Well, God never married Mary, did he? So--

Mom, STOP!

Which isn't really as bad as the whole adultry thing, I added, thoughtfully, since, under the rules of the time, Joseph being betrothed to Mary, that's the same as being married, and God's slipping around with someone else's wife, so--

MOM! You're giving me all these moral dirtclods, and you KNOW I can't throw them!

(I have forbidden her to raise these issues with teh Xtians at her school.)

Which makes this really unkind of me. But I have to show her this article:

Adam's Family Jewels.

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and He took the bone of Adam’s penis and made him a woman.”

Er, wait, wasn’t it from one of Adam’s ribs that Eve was created?

Not according to Ziony Zevit. A professor of Semitic languages at the American Jewish University in Los Angeles Zevit posits that the Hebrew word tsela (literally “side,” but traditionally translated as “rib”) employed in Genesis refers in fact to Adam’s member.

It cracks me up.


j0lt said...

And then you have that whole question of whether Mary consented to the act (or at least that's the debate I remember from my women studies classes 20 years ago)

delagar said...

Oh man. I hadn't thought of that one. She's underage, too, isn't she? Hah!

Bardiac said...

There's great medieval stuff where Joseph just goes nuts about the whole adultery thing. Good stuff!

But yeah, it's probably a good idea for her not to bring it up with her Xtian friends.

zelda1 said...

And then you can make the case that she was probably asleep when he boinked her because mostly he does things when folks are asleep which would make him like a necrophiliac? I'm thinking that putting folks in a deep sleep to remove body parts, put in body parts, or make illigitimate babies pretty much sucks.

Bardiac said...

I'm interested in the penis bone removal, especially since a good many of the animals ancient folks would have slaughtered had them.

I was once told that baculum (one of the names for a penis bone) is also a term used for a bishop's crozier, but I can't find anything now to say so.

Chris said...

I imagine your kid must have a whole room full of moral dirt clods she can't throw by now.

And, as Martha Stewart would say, that's a good thing!