Thursday, February 21, 2019

More Trigger Warning

Y'all, I'm pretty sure J.A. is a Sad Puppy. Either that, or she's Sad-Puppy-Adjacent. Not only is she pushing most of their alt.facts, in today's section, she uses a term I've never seen anyone else use: CTRL-Left.

Also, it would certainly explain why this book is so laughably bad. Most Sad Puppies can't write for toffee.

Chapters 15-20

If you cut out the political rants and repetition, you could get everything that happens in these chapters into about two paragraphs.

Our Bad Guy, Matthias, holds a Bad Guy meeting at his house. We find out why the Bad Guys have started about six fights with Jake so far -- because he's so dangerous that they want him off campus (or dead) before they pull their job.

How did they know he was so dangerous? I mean, before he started beating all of them up? I guess because he's a conservative patriotic American. That's essentially what Matthias says when one of Team Bad Guy suggests Jake might not be the only one on campus able and willing to thwart their Evil Plan.

"[The Left are] not violent. They abhor violence. Just ask them, they’ll tell you. Oh, they can form a mob quickly enough, if anybody offends them and violates their safe spaces, but….they won’t do anything." 

This is like Schrodinger's Immigrant (lazy and on welfare, and also he takes your job), only it's Schrodinger's Progressive. Giant spoiled babies who ALSO are total Nazis, planning to put good God-fearing Patriotic Americans in death camps.

Jake goes to a shooting range and shoots more guns. He has a fight with a 12 year old over whether his gun is big enough. (Oh my God.)

Jake thinks of quitting school, but how would he ever see Dr. Burke again if he did that?

I know J.A. told us Jake had a phone, but apparently he doesn't. I mean, he obviously doesn't realize that in the 21st century you can call people up and ask them out. Or, you know, text them.

Anyway, he goes on another date with Dr. Burke. They eat steak and make out. We find out Jake has a superpower -- he never gets lost, even when he's driving to some place where he's never been. It's just a inborn talent, that's how he is. But he's such a good guy that he lets Dr. Burke give him directions anyway.

He has yet another fight with a progressive snowflake, and makes this one cry too. That's his specialty. He beats up progressives and makes them cry. It's hilarious.

His fight with the snowflake (who calls him a Nazi) gets put on YouTube, and everyone believes he's a Nazi bigot now except one black guy, Pierce. He's in the book so we can see that J.A. isn't a racist and neither is Jake, despite some racist things he says to Pierce right away.

But Pierce isn't a sensitive snowflake, so he just laughs. Ha ha. Racism is a hilarious. Also later we find out that Pierce's father is the Real Racist. (Black people are the real bigots!)

This is an attitude toward non-white-people I have seen over and over again from conservatives who insist they aren't racist. It's not that they hate or dislike black people. Why, they have black friends! They hire black people! How can they be racist?

But when you talk to them, they will invariably let you know that these black people are different -- not like those other black people. These black people are Good Ones.

I think I've told this story here before, but once when I was in graduate school in Fayetteville, Arkansas, a white woman sat down next to me in a bar -- a total stranger, someone I had never seen -- and informed me drunkenly that she wasn't racist. "I'm not racist," she said, "but there are black people, and then there are n****rs. Know what I mean? You know what I mean!"

After he beats up the snowflake and realizes Pierce is one of the Good Ones, Jake remembers the small-l-liberals he had known in the army, 'Classical Liberals,' who unlike these snowflakes weren't evil, just wrong. Then he remembers something funny.

The Cntrl-Left, Jake thought with a smile, remembering a term someone on the Internet had come up with to mock the lockstep progressives and their obsession with the so-called Alt-Right. Because if there was any group in modern American society that truly wanted to control everyone and everything, it was the Left . . . 

The so-called Alt-Right.

Let's just skip ahead some.

In Chapter 18, the novel finally begins. Matthias and Team Bad Guy kill six or seven groundskeepers, apparently so they can steal their coveralls. This makes no sense, given that -- as we find out -- Matthias has been working on the grounds crew for months. Is there a reason he didn't just steal some coveralls? Or, I don't know, buy some? They're not that expensive.

ALSO: The grounds crew, at least on my university, does not wear a uniform. I'd be surprised if they wore a uniform anywhere. Why would they?

But we've already established that J.A. has never been on a college campus. She's also pretty bad at plotting criminal activity. I think this scene is in the book so she can point out that Banning Guns on Campus Doesn't Work, since the Bad Guys don't follow the rules. One of the grounds crew, who is also a progressive snowflake student (wait, I thought progressives were all spoiled rich kids?) protests when Matthias pulls his handgun:

“[You] need to put that gun away. You shouldn’t even have a gun here on campus. You know they’re prohibited. Hell, we put up the signs that say they’re prohibited!” 

Don't worry, this snowflake gets his. That'll teach him to go around without an AK-47.

I'm not sure why conservatives keep replaying this fantasy and ones like it, as if they're the only ones who can figure out that criminals don't obey the law.

(1) It's not the criminals we're worried about. It's regular people, who will keep their guns in the dorm rooms or carry them in their backpacks or whatever. Jake is of course a perfect gun owner, so he would never leave his weapon unsecured (except we see him doing just that) or carry it about loose in a jacket pocket (he does this too), so there's no chance in this little Fantasy World of some drunk 18 year old picking up a gun and shooting some other drunk 18 year old. And there's no chance of some hot-headed freshman getting in a fight over politics and yanking out his gun. That doesn't happen, in this Fantasy Conservatives land. In the real world, yeah, it happens all the time. And the more guns lying about loose, the more it happens.

(2) The NO GUNS ALLOWED sign functions like all rules and laws function. Laws don't stop criminals from committing crimes. They give us something we can do once the criminals have. Right now, guns are allowed on our campus. So if our Campus Police see a student with a gun, there is literally nothing they can do. A couple years ago, they could investigate, arrest the guy, get him and his gun off campus. Now? Now they just have to wait and see whether this is a Good Guy with a Gun, or maybe a guy who plans to murder 20 or 30 people.

I don't believe conservatives don't know this. They just ignore it, because -- like Jake -- they need their guns to feel safe. I mean, progressives are terribly scary, giant snowflakes that we are. Who knows what we might do if Jake didn't have his gun? Maybe we would call him a name and cry at him.

Blah, blah, blah. Pierce goes to the library. Oh, and Jake and Dr. Burke are headed there too -- for a study date. For some reason, they can't study in Dr. Burke's office. It's not because she's afraid of being alone with him, either. He does warn her that being his girlfriend might be bad for her career, but he doesn't mean it's because she's sleeping with a student.


It's because she's sleeping with a conservative.

(Me: "OH MY GOD.")

Anyway, Pierce goes to meet his study group, ruminating as he does, and we learn that Pierce Did Research and found out the Real Voter Fraud comes from the Left and the Real Voter Suppression comes from Black Lives Matter and OH MY GOD. (None of this is true, obviously. The BLM thing is probably from a popular FB post shared on the right, showing what was allegedly Black Panthers outside a polling place. Upon  investigation, these turned out to be men escorting people to the polls. But they were black men, so ipso facto this is Voter Intimidation, since -- obviously -- any black man is scary to your white conservative.)

Pierce's study group is made up of Straw Liberals, including a girl with pink hair and a Islamic man, Fareed, who is plotting violent treason against the USA. Pierce isn't fooled by Fareed:

When the day came, if Fareed had his way, a soft little blob like Clark would be slaughtered with the rest of the infidels. Jenny, for sure, and maybe even Margery, would be raped to death for the glory of Allah.

Margery probably won't be raped to death, see, because she's fat, and as we all know, men only rape hot women. ("OH MY GOD.")


In Chapter 20, there is an extended scene in which one of the Campus police officers nearly assaults a working-class (white) man on campus to make a delivery. We see the officer do everything we've become accustomed to seeing real police offers do to black men and children on video, but afterwards, J.A. makes it clear that this fascist police officer is actually a Progressive, which is why he acts this way. (Oh my god.)

Bonus mention of Saul Alinsky. Of course.

For those keeping score at home: We're over 40% of the way through the book, according to my Kindle, and the plot is barely started.

Here, by the way, is a photo that was shared on my FB by a MAGA American (one that I am sad to admit is my cousin).

"The Only LGBT I Support"
All lives matter indeed.

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