Since my kid has returned to high school, our mornings have been fraught, y'all.
First, we have to wake up at actual freaking dawn.
Only Dr. Skull is a morning person. He wakes at four, usually. Sometimes three. This is handy, since his new job is subbing in the local public school system, and this means he gets first crack at whatever work is available. He is awake when the new jobs come up on the system, in other words, and can take his pick.
I wake up, cursing, at six, stagger out into the kitchen, still cursing and dodging cats, to make the kid's lunch. (The cats demand their share of the tuna from the tuna fish sandwich. They get some, too.) When the lunch is made, and I am somewhat awake, I wake the kid.
The Kid: "Noooo."
Me: "Look at the clock."
The Kid: "NOOOOO."
Me: "Come on."
The Kid: "Why school. WHY."
Me: "What do you want for breakfast?"
The Kid: "I want to die."
I make her grits and eggs. She emerges as they are finishing, glumly, with her iPad, and eats while I make coffee for myself. Dr. Skull comes, chipper, from his shower, to announce he has taken a job teaching band at Darby.
Me: "What! You hate band! You said you'd never do band again!"
Dr. Skull: "That's all that was open, though."
The Kid: "Brush my hair."
Me: (getting the brush): "You could learn to brush your own hair."
The Kid: "I always mess it up."
Me: "What are you going to do when you get to college? Who will brush your hair then?"
The Kid: "Once I graduate high school, I am going to shave my head."
Dr. Skull: "Where's the boiled eggs?"
Me: "Did you want me to boil them?"
Dr. Skull "-- -- "
Me: "You didn't say you want me to boil them."
The Kid: "OW."
Me: "You could brush your own hair."
Dr. Skull: "I'll take cheese sticks."
Me: (to the kid): "Why do you always have feathers in your hair? Are you consorting with angels?"
The Kid: (To Dr. Skull): "We're gonna be late."
Dr. Skull: "I need my iPod."
He wanders off. The Kid gathers all her many items -- backpack, purse, Trapper-Keeper -- and waits impatiently by the door. I refill my coffee and collapse in my big chair with my laptop.
Me: (as they leave): Goodbye! Have a nice day! I'll be lounging about here! Drinking coffee!
The Kid: (growls)
Dr. Skull: "Bye, sweetie! I love you!"
8 hours ago