Good news: the machine is the property of the university, not me, so I do not have to pay for its repair. (Yay! Because as always, we are broke.)
Bad news: the guy at the Help Desk says it will be either days or weeks before I get it back. He does not know which.
Since I do most of my writing and academic work on the craptop these days, due to my busted metatarsal (it's mostly healed, but it still hurts if I don't keep my foot propped up) you can see why I am sad.