Who's Voting for Bush?

Yesterday I was becalmed all day at an auto repair shop, one of the singularly maddening trials of modern times – not to mention nothing to read but automotive and hair care magazines. But the day was saved when a grumpy old man came and sat down next to the young and chipper drug sales rep who had, earlier, both pinched my copy of the editorial page (a newspaper I had walked six blocks to buy, not that he knew that, since he had come in after I did, and, in his defense, while I had left the paper unguarded for a moment on my chair) and turned the obnoxious television up twice.

The grumpy old man started out trying to castigate the young drug rep – how dare these drug companies charge so much for drugs, why did these drug companies take so long to bring drugs to market, why didn’t these drug companies let us buy drugs from foreign markets, and so on. All this changed, however, when the grumpy old man and the young drug rep discovered – music swells – that they were both Republicans. They fell into swoons and began, in heated whispers, to discuss just how right Bush was and how wrong these Liberals were. I learned very many things and took notes.

Here’s a list:

(1) This country is undergoing a struggle between socialism and Americanism and only with Bush in the White House can we win this war

(2) Bush, unlike Kerry, will appoint neutral judges to the court – or at least if Bush appoints judges that aren’t neutral, they won’t be liberal judges. So it’s okay.

(3) Liberals are harping on how Bush lied, but he didn’t lie – he was misled

(4) If you don’t let doctors make $250,000 dollars a year no one will become a doctor and then it will take nine months to get an appointment to see a neurologist, which is how long it takes to see one in Canada

(5) We’re going to win the Iraqi war because “those people” can only take having F-15’s flying over their houses for so long.

(6) We had eight years of being nice to terrorists under Clinton and look where that got us

(7) It’s better to have “my buddy” (says the young guy) join up to go to Iraq and fight the terrorists there than to have “my girl” have to fight them on a plane when she flies to Florida on Spring Break

(8) We need to fight this war because those towers were destroyed. People forget those towers were destroyed. We can’t forget those towers. So this war is justified.

(9) Taking prayer out of schools has set this country on a path to destruction. Homosexuals and political correctness have set in. Bush is speaking against that. This is a good thing.

(10) Those college professors are brainwashing students into being liberals. But luckily it’s only about an eight block radius around campus. People are normal outside that range. (Whew!)


I took notes, because I figured y’all would want to know the straight scoop on the level of political knowledge in Fort Smith, Arkansas. So there you have it. Next time people ask you how it is that people could possibly watch the debates and still vote for Bush, read’em this list.