4 hours ago
Tuesday, May 14, 2019
Absolute Idiocy Corrupts Absolutely
Apropos the previous post, I spent way too long yesterday trying to reason with such a reactionary ignoramus on Twitter. It was an utter waste of time, for the reasons I mentioned.
Then I had a delightful Twitter argument with my kid, in which he was using reason and I was playing the part of a reactionary ignoramus.
It started when he wondered what he could eat. Like his father, he requires a heavy meat diet to stay on an emotional even keel, but we had no meat in the house.
Me: What about eggs, you could have eggs, we have eggs*
Him: Eggs aren't meat
Me: Of course eggs are meat. They're animal protein, that's meat
Him: My mom, who has a PhD: Eggs are meat
Me: My kid calls me out, ONE DAY AFTER MOTHER'S DAY
Him: YOU SAID EGGS WERE MEAT
Me: EGGS ARE MEAT
Him: THEY ARE NOT
Me: THEY HELLA ARE
Him: No they are not, vegetarians can eat eggs, vegans can't, that's one of the differences, eggs aren't meat!
Me: Vegetarians eat fish, are you telling me fish aren't meat? I mean, I know the Catholic church says so, but
R: (another twitter friend): Fish are animals, eggs aren't animals
Me: They're potential animals, like babies are potential toddlers. Are you going to tell me babies aren't meat?
R: ...oh my God, dr delagar
Me: Admit it! Babies are little meat dumplings!
R: Yes, babies are...no, I just can't
The Kid: Babies are creatures unto themselves while eggs are only potential creatures and milk is no creature at all
Me: They're just little creatures
Him: If you're going to reference peepee the term is creacher
Me: Milk makes muscles, muscles are meat, checkmate, creacher
Him: in which case, peanuts are meat?
Me: Don't be silly. Peanuts come from dirt, milk comes from people. If something COMES from something, it's obviously made of that something. So peanuts are dirt and milk is meat.
Him: (catching on) You have learned a lot from the whackos you argue with on twitter
Me: So do you want some eggs or not?
(Narrator: The kid ate eggs for dinner)
*This argument was conducted almost entirely over Twitter, even though we were literally about ten feet apart in the house, him in his room and me in the living room.