Insomnia

I'm having the worst insomnia, y'all.

I've always had trouble sleeping -- I'm talking since infancy. One of my earliest memories is being four years old (we had just moved into our new house, out of the trailer) and wandering around in the dark in the middle of the night after everyone else was asleep. This wasn't just once, either. I did this all the time.


Later, I came to learn that I might well suffer from something called delayed sleep phrase disorder -- that is, my circadian rhythm is out of phase with the planet, more or less. When I was younger, I just suffered with it, getting to sleep (usually) at two or three a.m. and waking (when I had to, which was when I was in school or when I started working) three or four hours later.

University schedules sometimes let me arrange to start my day later, which helped a little.

(My younger brother (the one who is dead now) also suffered from similar insomnia. He used whiskey to self-medicate, which I can't really advise.)

In my early thirties, I discovered melatonin, which helped more than anything else. I've been taking five to ten mgs of melatonin every night for over 20 years now. It worked for a very long time, but lately not so much.

I remember this feeling from when I was a kid, and a young adult -- this miserable exhaustion, the ache in my skull and bones, the absolutely bleak depression and certainty that nothing will ever be all right again. (DSPD is linked to depression, my sources tell me.  Oh, ya think?)

I suppose I should go see my physician. Though, given this is Arkansas, I know what she'll tell me. "Get more exercise." "Drink warm milk!" "Try going to bed earlier."

Oh, thanks. Why didn't I think of that?