Yikes

So tomorrow starts the Hannukah and while I am not as singularly ill-prepared this year as I usually am (one year I did not even have candles at this point) I am in dire straits. Yesterday the kid and I drove all over Pork Smith (where, as mr. delagar tells us very nearly weekly, you can buy all the pork and all the bibles you want, but good luck finding matzoh) looking for Hannukah gelt, finally deciding we would make do with some chocolate coins we found in the candy store at the mall, also some bubble gum coins mixed in.

This morning I found myself trying to convince her, while we were driving hell-bent for leather down Zero Street, late for school yet again, that really cool people don't care about holidays so much.

"Does this mean my presents aren't going to arrive on time?" she demanded suspiciously.

"It depends," I said.

"On what?"

"The Hannukah elves."

"There are no Hannukah elves. Did you ship overnight or not?"